Your face is a jimmy john
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
