it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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