I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
