I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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