so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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