i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
