There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
