so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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