remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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