i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
