Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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