just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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