Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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