Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
