i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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