She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize