maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
