So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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