im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
