anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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