Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
