Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I FOUND THE LEGS
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