Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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