I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
