Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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