And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
