brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
