So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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