OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
