You're earring is so big in my mouth
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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