I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
