just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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