Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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