Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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