dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize