Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
