I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize