are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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