Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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