I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Actions speak louder than pants.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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