his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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