I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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