Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
