Can i not drive my cunt home
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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