He had one of those small greek statue penises
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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