Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
