i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
