I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
