Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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