They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
