He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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