I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
