I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
