I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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