ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
