He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize