Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
