Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
