i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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