so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
