Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize