just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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