I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
