when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize