when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
