why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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