I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
