Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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