i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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