I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
