highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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