I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
