I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
