my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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