i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
