Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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