You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
