No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
