cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Randomize
