You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's shark week go big or go home
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
