I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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