Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
