I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
