u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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