Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
