sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
