i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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