i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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