just tell him i said nine months
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize