Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
