Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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