Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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