college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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