i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I want to be your penis for a week.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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