Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
